I love when {I notice} the past and future reconnect. I suppose they are always connected in ways that I just can't see. Somehow I need to accept the grandeur and mystery of it all and be patient for the storylines to emerge. Occasionally, something starts to almost make sense, like vaguely seeing something in the distance before it comes into focus. Like catching a glimpse of that invisible thread that's been woven into an almost visible fabric.

In 2009, I visited the St. Anne's basilica in Quebec where I took these pictures. At the time, I thought the windows represented various religious values, but looking at them now, I wonder if they represent spiritual disciplines...maybe it's both [zeal, prayer, word of God, humility, faith, chastity, prudence, work, religion, contemplation, hope, patience, charity, prophesy, penitence, strength, wisdom, perfection, love of God].

Funny, I couldn't manage to get a clear image of the chastity window because it was blocked by a pillar. The lighting was bad so the flash went off making the picture ugly. Actually, two pillars obstructed my view and the light's ability to shine through the lily, a symbol that particularly captivates me so I wanted to see it fully.

Real intimacy isn't picture-perfect like in movies or God forbid in porn, something I have minimal experience with for the record ;) but keeps coming up in various sermons (like part two of Andy Stanley's amazing series, or this one by high school classmate Dave Swain of Highrock). There's bad lighting and lumps and defective parts and scenes that nobody would want to watch and especially not rewind, unless it were a comedy, like that time I tried to kiss B....

I know that my intimate relationships over the years have prevented me from Intimacy with God. I've never been able to get close enough, to see clearly enough, because my view was always obscured. I positioned myself that way, letting something or someone come between - or before - my relationship with God. Crazily, I thought more than once that a man might bring me closer to God, which is what I was really longing for all along. Meanwhile, I was missing out on deeper intimacy with God, the man in question, or with myself - kind of a lose/lose situation.

So, it's official, my spiritual discipline of choice is...chastity. Rarely are decisions obvious to me but this one was (so I know it's what I need to do). May all decisions be so clear!