"Open my eyes that I might see"

Psalm 119

If life imitates baking...

First, a whole bunch got burned (it happened so fast!)

then broken

and otherwise mangled

 until finally I got a couple right!

I may not have gotten the first step on video, but I'm definitely putting it to practice. My life isn't falling apart, just my heart. Hope to get to step 2 soon.

3 Things (Jason Mraz):

There are three things I do when my life falls apart
Number one I cry my eyes out and dry up my heart
Not until I do this will my new life start
So that's the first thing that I do when my life falls apart

Oh, the second thing I do is I close both of my eyes
And say my thank you's to each and every moment of my life.
I go where I know the love is and let it fill me up inside
Gathering new strength from sorrow,
I'm glad to be alive.

The third thing that I do now when my world caves in,
is I pause, I take a breath, and bow and let that chapter end.
I design my future bright not by where my life has been.
And I try, try, try, try, try again.
Yes I try, try, try, try, try again.

My friend Jess sent me this advice over 7 years ago when I was dealing with a bad break-up. Now I suddenly need it all over again (in spite of my lack of dating). Does this ever get easier?!? I've gotta work on this:

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." 

(Proverbs 4:23)

Here are her words, for easy referencing, though I'm hoping nobody needs this again. I can take some dings and scratches but please no more broken hearts!

1. exercise - i went to yoga every saturday, joined a gym, and walked EVERYWHERE, even when i could have taken public transportation. they say that endorphins are good for depression in general, and it really, really helped me.

2. go out - never turn down a social invitation, even if you don't know anyone. go to places you've never been before and strike up conversations with strangers. and if they strike one up with you, don't turn them down (unless they're creepy or something). also, join clubs or activities.

3. make lists - of things you want to try, and have never had the chance to, things you want to accomplish (it can be as simple as "get through 3 hours without thinking of x"), things you love, people who love you, places you want to visit, favorite moments in your life that don't concern x, things you love to do.

4. do something artistic everyday (or as often as possible). for me, this was taking a theater class. you could also take an art class. or just start collaging. or draw. or paint. or write. or just visit the art museum.

5. write - keep a journal and write everything down, even the longing and wanting and weakness and sadness and anger. write everything you wish you could say but can't or won't. write it down. get it out and verbalize it.

6. do things for yourself - get a massage, get a manicure or pedicure, get a facial.

7. go shopping - when all else fails, it's nice to have something new. about 2/3 of my wardrobe comes from the period right after my breakup with x. worth it.

8. see movies - there's nothing wrong with escapism. join netflix and watch movies, or go see movies by yourself. see something that YOU want to see.

9. throw a party - it can be a dinner party for 2 friends or in my case it was a brunch party for 30. you could do a picnic or tea party or hike with friends. organize something.

10. remember: you are not a victim. that is not who you are. this is a relationship experience that is HARD and HURTS but it is a growing experience that will help you be a better partner in the future. you're making your way toward a better person for you, one relationship at a time. and that better person will benefit from the new you.

finally, love the new you. you can do it. there is a better someone out there who will love you for you, faults and all (we all have them). now, you just have to get ready and be okay with yourself.

And...give thanks for good friends :)