Lord, if this is from you
let us know
and if it's not,
let us go.
If this is from you
let it last
and if it's not,
then let it pass.
If this is from you
let love stay
and if it's not
take it away.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
On the topic of not repeating mistakes of the past, and starting over, exactly what I'm beyond ready to do:
* You make peace with your past by owning your piece of your past
* How far into your future do you intend to carry the angst created in your past?
* My past will remind me, not define me
* Release the past, so the past can release you
* Forgiveness allows us to leverage the lessons of the past without lugging around the luggage
1. Own itMy word is weaving itself into the year, starting here!
2. Rethink it
3. Release it
* You make peace with your past by owning your piece of your past
* How far into your future do you intend to carry the angst created in your past?
* My past will remind me, not define me
* Release the past, so the past can release you
* Forgiveness allows us to leverage the lessons of the past without lugging around the luggage
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
"Would you let me lead you?"
Words so sweetly spoken. Feminists aflame, let this melt your hearts. It does mine.
In dancing, partnering is a tricky thing. Women generally don't like to dance with men who can't handle them. They feel insecure. I recall this truth from my own experience and the various ways it can go down. Getting dropped. Spun around just to impress others. A clumsy jumble of limbs. Fits of starts and stops, never knowing who's going where or when. The whole thing is confusing at best.
Recently I tried dancing the man's part. It was so hard. He needs vision: to look out for oncoming traffic. To anticipate and steer clear of collisions. To see a long view of the space and a close view of his partner. He needs pacing: too fast and she can't keep up, pulling, rushing. Too slow and you lose momentum, dropping the beat, your bodies disconnecting. He needs spacing: too tight and she can't move, smothered and suffocating. Too loose and she slips away. He needs direction: too wishy-washy and she has no choice but to take over. Except she's often going backwards and can't see what's in the way, so sometimes only he can navigate through the crowd and set a course. As if that weren't enough, together, they need to problem solve: sometimes you're off the music and need to skip something in order to catch up. Or someone messes up. How do you recover?
How can anyone be expected to do so much? Especially westerners who are usually too preoccupied with their own awkwardness to multitask anything else.
Words so sweetly spoken. Feminists aflame, let this melt your hearts. It does mine.
In dancing, partnering is a tricky thing. Women generally don't like to dance with men who can't handle them. They feel insecure. I recall this truth from my own experience and the various ways it can go down. Getting dropped. Spun around just to impress others. A clumsy jumble of limbs. Fits of starts and stops, never knowing who's going where or when. The whole thing is confusing at best.
Recently I tried dancing the man's part. It was so hard. He needs vision: to look out for oncoming traffic. To anticipate and steer clear of collisions. To see a long view of the space and a close view of his partner. He needs pacing: too fast and she can't keep up, pulling, rushing. Too slow and you lose momentum, dropping the beat, your bodies disconnecting. He needs spacing: too tight and she can't move, smothered and suffocating. Too loose and she slips away. He needs direction: too wishy-washy and she has no choice but to take over. Except she's often going backwards and can't see what's in the way, so sometimes only he can navigate through the crowd and set a course. As if that weren't enough, together, they need to problem solve: sometimes you're off the music and need to skip something in order to catch up. Or someone messes up. How do you recover?
How can anyone be expected to do so much? Especially westerners who are usually too preoccupied with their own awkwardness to multitask anything else.
In ballet, the guy has his moments jumping and whatnot, but when they are together partnering, it is truly to lift her up. His job is to make her look good. His primary function is to present her. In grace. For her glory.
From a Christian viewpoint, I'm told this is part of the man's job. To lead her into the fullness of her (natural, innate, God-given) beauty and eventually account for how he has cared for and cultivated the gift he was bestowed.
You see this in the great partnerships - Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev, for example - that the one was made greater by the other. My parents were lucky enough to have seen them on their second date (go Dad!).
The thing is...it's really hard to partner. You're trained as a soloist and then suddenly you're expected to follow. Usually my independent instinct takes over, I get claustrophobic and writhe myself free. Except on the rare occasion when I can relax into a strong lead. I remember little else of that night, but years later I still recall the feeling of Stephen's hand upon my back. I definitely didn't know that jig, but he did. He'd get me where I needed to go. And admire me while he was at it.
Culture tells men to get as much as they can from a woman as fast as they can and then repeat the process with someone else. In contrast, my friend Ed shared some good news:
"The guy should provide some leadership in the relationship, to set the pace based on the woman's heart and needs." So it's more about attentiveness, willingness, and responsiveness (see #26). That attunement is actually what will "get" him so much more. He needn't be super skilled at dancing (thankfully, since most guys aren't) so much as responding. Happily, I got some synchronistic confirmation about this thought from the word of the very next day:
Respond The voice of the One who has made us and redeemed us calls to us in love, and waits for our hearts to awaken and respond with a corresponding love. -Br. David Vryhof
How do you know how to respond? I believe, maybe in the same spirit as our relationship to God, if you pay close enough attention, she'll tell you. He'll tell you. Follow, lead; lead, follow. It's a kind of fine tuning that takes practice. Just look at them:
From a Christian viewpoint, I'm told this is part of the man's job. To lead her into the fullness of her (natural, innate, God-given) beauty and eventually account for how he has cared for and cultivated the gift he was bestowed.
You see this in the great partnerships - Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev, for example - that the one was made greater by the other. My parents were lucky enough to have seen them on their second date (go Dad!).
The thing is...it's really hard to partner. You're trained as a soloist and then suddenly you're expected to follow. Usually my independent instinct takes over, I get claustrophobic and writhe myself free. Except on the rare occasion when I can relax into a strong lead. I remember little else of that night, but years later I still recall the feeling of Stephen's hand upon my back. I definitely didn't know that jig, but he did. He'd get me where I needed to go. And admire me while he was at it.
Culture tells men to get as much as they can from a woman as fast as they can and then repeat the process with someone else. In contrast, my friend Ed shared some good news:
"The guy should provide some leadership in the relationship, to set the pace based on the woman's heart and needs." So it's more about attentiveness, willingness, and responsiveness (see #26). That attunement is actually what will "get" him so much more. He needn't be super skilled at dancing (thankfully, since most guys aren't) so much as responding. Happily, I got some synchronistic confirmation about this thought from the word of the very next day:
Respond The voice of the One who has made us and redeemed us calls to us in love, and waits for our hearts to awaken and respond with a corresponding love. -Br. David Vryhof
How do you know how to respond? I believe, maybe in the same spirit as our relationship to God, if you pay close enough attention, she'll tell you. He'll tell you. Follow, lead; lead, follow. It's a kind of fine tuning that takes practice. Just look at them:
My childhood favorites, Trinidad Sevillano and Patrick Armand, whose picture I've kept all these years. Not because of their prettiness but because of their grittiness. Their intensity, their focus, their sweat and disheveled hair and broken down dance clothes. The cross on its sturdy chain upon his hairy chest, her fingertips pressed into his flesh, balancing herself against him. Training in each other's terrain. Their bodies and minds poised at full attention. His on her, and hers on something captivating. All in service of the dance.
God knows my heart and what I need better than I do. But for whatever it's worth, I've said it before and I'll say it again, as far as I'm concerned, I want a dance partner.
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