Top 50 countdown!

Things of beauty draw me to life.

I love to make something good.

To see, to feel, to dance, to create anew - this is my way.

I appreciate art and creative, beautiful work.

I want to feel alive, at one with my nature.

To bring my gifts into the light takes focus and patient care.

Health is in my hands -
doing what I know in my physical body.

Discipline gives me freedom.

To be able to simply be myself,
 
to learn in connection with people,

to find my natural way of being in the world,

to delicately gather together my whole self,

to let God speak through me,

this is my ultimate craft.

While we're on the poem roll, let's not forget about this precious one that fellow Thresholder shared and Aimee featured at her wedding 6 (!) years ago:

The Invitation
- Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Finally, after fighting for what felt like forever, my soul can relax into One giant YES.

 

"My soul finds rest in God alone"

Psalm 62

5 years of re-reading, and I still can't get enough of this one:

For Longing
- John O’Donohue

Blessed be the longing that brought you here

And quickens your soul with wonder.

May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire

That disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.

May you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease

To discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.

May the forms of your belonging–in love, creativity, and friendship–

Be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.

May the one you long for long for you.

May your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.

May a secret Providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling.

May your mind inhabit your life with the sureness with which

your body inhabits the world.

May your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.

May you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.

May you know the urgency with which God longs for you.

Exquisite poem by a woman after my own heart.

How the Light Comes: A Blessing for Christmas Day
- Jan L. Richardson

I cannot tell you
how the light comes.

What I know
is that it is more ancient
than imagining.

That it travels
across an astounding expanse
to reach us.

That it loves
searching out
what is hidden
what is lost
what is forgotten
or in peril
or in pain.

That it has a fondness
for the body
for finding its way
toward flesh
for tracing the edges
of form
for shining forth
through the eye,
the hand,
the heart.

I cannot tell you
how the light comes,
but that it does.
That it will.
That it works its way
into the deepest dark
that enfolds you,
though it may seem
long ages in coming
or arrive in a shape
you did not foresee.

And so
may we this day
turn ourselves toward it.
May we lift our faces
to let it find us.
May we bend our bodies
to follow the arc it makes.
May we open
and open more
and open still

to the blessed light
that comes.

After much deliberation, I've chosen my word for 2014:

reclaim 
  verb
    1. to get back (something that was lost or taken away)
    2. to bring (waste land) under cultivation
    3. to get (a usable material) from materials that have been used before
    4. to rescue from an undesirable state; to restore to a previous natural state
    5. to demand or obtain the return of 
  noun
    1. the action or process of reclaiming or being reclaimed.

The definition captures what I'm going for and seems to encompass some of the other finalists I was considering:

transform, redeem, identify.

I don't particularly love those words themselves but the concepts are fitting. Other words worth noting that I do love and may reappear in the future:

welcome, close, uncover, Providence.

A few more that captured my attention, albeit briefly compared to reclaim:

remodel, forward.

Finally, because I suppose I do love words, and just because they are beautiful:

precipice, intimacy, dawn.

All those words and I couldn't seem to get away from reclaim. You could say it claimed me.

Speaking of practice stories (a la Don Miller), here are a bunch of recipes I tested pre-Thanksgiving in search of something worthy of reproducing for a crowd. Most were good, some were great, none were real winners. This experience of searching for "the one" (in this case, just a healthy-ish recipe good enough to serve for Thanksgiving) leads me to conclude:

- we must need many, many practice stories before landing on the right fit. I could try all 77 of these recipes and wind up with one or none or lots of winners. You never know until you try, but so far, I'm 0 for 4 on that list. In an unrealistic Julie & Julia-esque moment, I thought I'd work my way through all 105 of these recipes. I got through 13 and happily found one winner that made it all worth it.

- this gambling style approach is incredibly inefficient. Although there are already some parameters in place (in this case, healthy holiday recipes) it's just too time consuming to keep pulling the slot machine, never knowing when you might turn up a winner.

- narrowing the search field leads to better results. At least that's what the librarians say :) No more needle in a haystack; refine is the new game. So this must be true of dating, job searching, etc., right? I thought broader meant better (more open-minded) and narrow meant close-minded. Why should I discount people or opportunities just because they don't match my list of search criteria? (what even are my search criteria?) Wouldn't it be a great surprise to have something or someone wonderful defy all my preconceived notions?

- too many options is paralyzing. In the past, this has contributed to me sitting back, relieved to be sought (in employment, or in a relationship), instead of doing the hard work to figure out...exactly what do I want? and then pursuing it. Not a good excuse, leaving me in the end with only myself to blame.

- the best search field, also the most efficient and anti-paralyzing (err...mobilizing), is God's search field. He's already put certain parameters in my heart. It seems to me, if I could tune in more clearly to God's plan, try to see things through His lens, quiet down my matrix mentality...and learn to trust what's in my heart - because, after all, God put it there - I could bypass the headaches, expedite my happiness, be of greater use to everyone, and just get on with things.

Clearly the favorable option, God seems in this light like the ultimate decision-making strategy :)

Finally, four practice stories not to be repeated:

Butternut Squash Risotto Made for my mother after the soup fiasco. Too bland and filling for Thanksgiving.

Warm red cabbage salad Made sans cheese. Debuted at Thanksgiving unsuccessfully.

Shredded Brussels sprouts & apples good test drive but realized too late it's not a good make-ahead recipe.

"All of life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson