The books Wild at Heart and Captivating propose three core and interrelated desires that drive men and women (crazy). I frequently forget what they are, so for easy reference:

Wild at Heart (men):
- a battle to fight
- an adventure to live
- a beauty to rescue

This is easiest for me to remember by A-B-B: adventure, battle, beauty. (Thank you, Andrew!) Initially, I was imagining the adventure to be outdoors, but it could be in math, or music, or whatever gives that thrill of discovery and challenge. I think of the battle like a mission. As for the beauty, I just picture Murron in Brave Heart, sigh. A related question that apparently preoccupies men is: do I have what it takes?

Captivating (women):
- to be romanced (or pursued)
- to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure
- to unveil beauty

I'm having a hard time with these points, though there must be something to them since enough people I respect relate to these books and their premise. Related questions that apparently preoccupy women are: am I lovely (or captivating)? do you see me? do I have a beauty all my own?

The male and female points are intentionally linked to each other, by design, so that men and women can answer each other's longings. These books did a great job in establishing some ground work and will surely remain classics, but I personally feel limited by these three core motivations, and somehow have grown a little tired of this plot.

What is more interesting to me, at this point in my life, is Donald Miller's book Scary Close which feels to me like a fuller portrait of love, accounting for the myriad psychological influences that can disconnect us from ourselves and from others. All with his trademark easy-to-relate-to style and humor. Some of my favorite excepts include:

"Good friends do that; they guard each other when things get scary by putting themselves in between their friends and what could harm them." - Bob Goff (in the foreword) 

"Having integrity is about being the same person on the inside that we are on the outside, and if we don't have integrity, life becomes exhausting." (p.65) 

"A woman, though, can rob your manhood and reduce you to a boy at the drop of a word." (p.97)

"...more to do with keeping people contained that with setting them free. And I'm no fan of it." (p.124)

"...unless people feel safe around us, intimacy would never happen." (p.165) 

With this, I laughed out loud. A lot.
"I don't think men are as bad at intimacy as we might think. It's just that we get pressured to go about intimacy in ways that are traditionally more feminine, specifically we're asked to talk about it and share our feelings. We don't really want to do that." (p.188)

Speaking of practice stories (a la Don Miller), here are a bunch of recipes I tested pre-Thanksgiving in search of something worthy of reproducing for a crowd. Most were good, some were great, none were real winners. This experience of searching for "the one" (in this case, just a healthy-ish recipe good enough to serve for Thanksgiving) leads me to conclude:

- we must need many, many practice stories before landing on the right fit. I could try all 77 of these recipes and wind up with one or none or lots of winners. You never know until you try, but so far, I'm 0 for 4 on that list. In an unrealistic Julie & Julia-esque moment, I thought I'd work my way through all 105 of these recipes. I got through 13 and happily found one winner that made it all worth it.

- this gambling style approach is incredibly inefficient. Although there are already some parameters in place (in this case, healthy holiday recipes) it's just too time consuming to keep pulling the slot machine, never knowing when you might turn up a winner.

- narrowing the search field leads to better results. At least that's what the librarians say :) No more needle in a haystack; refine is the new game. So this must be true of dating, job searching, etc., right? I thought broader meant better (more open-minded) and narrow meant close-minded. Why should I discount people or opportunities just because they don't match my list of search criteria? (what even are my search criteria?) Wouldn't it be a great surprise to have something or someone wonderful defy all my preconceived notions?

- too many options is paralyzing. In the past, this has contributed to me sitting back, relieved to be sought (in employment, or in a relationship), instead of doing the hard work to figure out...exactly what do I want? and then pursuing it. Not a good excuse, leaving me in the end with only myself to blame.

- the best search field, also the most efficient and anti-paralyzing (err...mobilizing), is God's search field. He's already put certain parameters in my heart. It seems to me, if I could tune in more clearly to God's plan, try to see things through His lens, quiet down my matrix mentality...and learn to trust what's in my heart - because, after all, God put it there - I could bypass the headaches, expedite my happiness, be of greater use to everyone, and just get on with things.

Clearly the favorable option, God seems in this light like the ultimate decision-making strategy :)

Finally, four practice stories not to be repeated:

Butternut Squash Risotto Made for my mother after the soup fiasco. Too bland and filling for Thanksgiving.

Warm red cabbage salad Made sans cheese. Debuted at Thanksgiving unsuccessfully.

Shredded Brussels sprouts & apples good test drive but realized too late it's not a good make-ahead recipe.

"All of life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson